how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
