Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
