Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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