His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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