i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
