five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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