You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
