Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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