Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She said her name was "party"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize