I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
