why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
