sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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