i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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