My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
