mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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