I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
