I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
