I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
