You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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