I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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