operation have a gay friend backfired
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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