..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
third nipple confirmed
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize