if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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