so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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