last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
