Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Randomize
