Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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