i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He has the fingertips of a God
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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