I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize