Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
