If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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