I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
