He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
