didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
