Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
