Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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