M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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