i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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