i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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