turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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