Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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