What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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