I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
