walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
