i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
