all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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