I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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