mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
