Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
