Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
