i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
