I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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