What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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