I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my shit smells like andre
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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