saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This toilet bowl is my home.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
