I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
