I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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