She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
