i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
