drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
