420 ftw
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What drink are we having for lunch?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
