The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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