I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
