You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
