Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
