Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
