i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
