It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
