I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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