just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
