Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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