She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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