Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
