I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
barbara walters just said penis...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
vagina is talking i cant
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
