so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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