drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
